I want to get really honest for a minute. Literally a bunch of jumbled thoughts that involve raw honesty and extreme vulnerability. For the most part I stay pretty real on this space, but I keep it at a level of comfort, meaning I don’t always type, let alone post my true feelings. Feelings I believe could be extremely relate able, but no one wants to say out loud. I have been so unhappy in the space I’ve created, both here and on Instagram. I’ve struggled with putting myself in a box, in a niche, in a specific category that I’m scared to stray from.
It wasn’t an intentional move, but at the time (when I really started paying attention to growing my community if you will) I wanted to appeal to a certain group of individuals for grounds of commonality. Other influencers that practiced minimalism. People who understood, truly understood, the connection between clutter and anxiety. While I’ve come across several people who get it, I find that that’s not the direction that is completely fulfilling me.
I have noticed a trend in me not necessarily posting on a regular basis because inside my head I’m like, “Why would I post another repetitive photo of my home, no one cares”. You know what that tells me? There’s no passion there. Do I LOVE DIY and home improvement and projects? DUH! 1000%. However there’s MORE to me than my home and I am in a position where I either feel like walking away, or pushing through the fear of expanding what makes me happy.
So many irrational thoughts flood my mind every time I think about posting anything outside of a home/diy photo on social media. First off, I realize how completely trivial that sounds, and typing it out is somewhat embarrassing. If your current position isn’t to being an influencer you might not fully understand that pressure, but if you are in the influencer community I know you’ve felt that once or twice in your journey.
For example after having three sons I had a daughter who LOVES to match me. LOVES IT. And you know what I love it too. One of our favorite things to do is go to Target and buy matching outfits and take photos together. That brings my heart so much joy. However, in my mind the audience I’ve been trying to target myself to would view that as, “well you’re clearly not that much of a minimalist if you’re out shopping with your daughter buying matching outfits then posting them!” <— Did you just read that completely irrational fear??? Like who the hell says just because I’ve ‘labeled’ myself as a home blog, I can’t post lifestyle photos of me and my daughter/family?
Financially we have been juggling a lot behind the scenes regarding our house and different roads we’re going to take to complete it as quickly as possible so that we can just LIVE and BE. Therefore we haven’t been documenting or sharing as many DIY’s as I’d like, but that’s just life. Ready for another completely irrational thought? I view all of my “friends” that I “started” with on Instagram surpass and continue to flourish, yet I feel like I’m weighted down by a concrete slab staying stagnant…and obviously drowning because #concrete.
The other day when I was watching Chris Loves Julia Good Influence.r Instagram stories Julia gave a tip regarding engagement and that was to talk on your stories and create a space where it feels like you’re talking to your followers/friends/community through your phone. People want to look into your life, to see the real you behind the scenes.I completely agree with that, and honestly I feel like I’ve been holding back on my stories and not being as active because I’m scared to talk about anything besides our house.
Basically what this entire post comes down to is I’m tired of placing myself in a category. a niche. I’m tired of feeling stuck in this space and not being able branch out. I’m tired of not growing solely because of my own internal fear of ‘betraying’ people. I’m tired of irrational thoughts that put me in this position. Social media carries so much pressure, and I want to be in a place where it’s fun and enjoyable and doesn’t induce stress and anxiety, UNNECESSARY stress and anxiety.
This is me moving forward and giving myself permission to post more about who we actually are as humans. What we do in our spare time, Scot’s health journey, what we eat, what I like to buy my daughter and I, shit even my grocery haul because maybe someone cares about how someone shops for four children? Motherhood alone is 90% of my life, so I’m not sure why I’m so hesitant to share that.
Will I lose a few followers? Sure. Not everyone wants to follow people who share their family and randomness that comes with parenthood. Will I gain some followers that do? Sure. However what it comes down to is no one elses acceptance matters, but my happiness does. If I’m going to continue pursuing this amazing journey I’m on, I have to place my needs first and be honest with myself.
If you related to this, I would be so happy if you shared it in case someone else you know, or even yourself just needs to reread it every once in awhile. Check in and be present with your emotions. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, and I hope to see all of you on the other side of the niche.